ANN ARBOR – “There is no way I am qualified for that.”
“What in the world would I do or say?”
“What if she saw the mess of my life?”
“Where could I possibly find the time to do that?”
“What if this younger woman is an emotional drain to me?”
These are the knee-jerk questions that rise up within my heart when I consider what it costs me to disciple another woman. The idea can make me break out into a cold sweat.
However, I read passages like Titus 2:3-5, Matthew 28:18-20, and 1 Thessalonians 2:8, and I am challenged that discipling a younger woman in the gospel isn’t an option to be considered— it’s a command to be obeyed. I also see that God created me as a woman with a unique calling to reflect God’s nature to, as Gloria Furman often says, “nurture life in the face of death.”
We cultivate life.
We mother (with or without children of our own).
God has commanded us to make disciples. He has uniquely wired us as women to make disciples. However, in my flesh, I wrestle with fears, lies, and a desire for personal comfort as I consider actually doing it. Maybe you feel like me? When was the last time you pursued a younger woman (spiritually younger, not necessarily by age) and invited her to follow you as you follow Jesus?
To serve us as Michigan Baptist women, I want to provide some helpful encouragement to some of the obstacles that we may feel as we consider the cost of discipling women. There is so much to say about this topic, so admittedly, this encouragement only scratches the surface. However, one of the best pieces of advice that I have received about doing anything seemingly hard is this:
Start simply. And, simply start.
What if I feel ill-equipped?
The good news: You are (😂 you can roll your eyes and say “Gee, thanks Emily…”), but if you are in Christ, you have the Holy Spirit who will empower you. The Lord always uses ill-equipped, ordinary, messy people to accomplish His purposes… so the good news is that you are the perfect candidate.
Mark Dever says, “discipling is simply helping others to follow Jesus” or put another way, “deliberately doing spiritual good to someone so that he or she will be more like Christ”. The truth of the matter is that you can always find someone with whom you can deliberately do spiritual good—even if it is simply gathering to pray, listen, and share what the Lord is teaching you through His Word with her.
Practically, here are a few great resources that may serve you:
Discipling by Mark Dever
This Discipleship podcast series from Journeywomen
Growing Together by Melissa Kruger
Who do I choose to disciple?
That’s a great question. Pray through this question and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. Here are a few questions to help you discern:
Who, within my local church, am I burdened for them to grow in Christ?
Is there anyone within my small group that would be a natural fit?
Is there someone that I serve alongside in my area of service at church that I should consider?
With whom in my church does my schedule naturally sync up? Is it logistically possible to meet on a regular basis?
What if I cannot possibly manage adding another thing to my schedule, or another person to my life?
This is a tender and yet very real obstacle. With help from the Holy Spirit, walking with God in His Word, and living in regular fellowship in the local church, you may have to discern that you are not in a season of life to pursue someone in an intentional discipleship relationship. There are seasons of life where we must live within our God-given boundaries and not meet with someone regularly. I am thinking particularly about seasons of grief and crisis where we simply must focus on persevering moment by moment through the fire in which the Lord has placed us.
However, because it's a command given to followers of Christ, and we were made to do it, we have to carry the tension in all seasons of life that despite its cost, it is one worth paying. As Karen Hodge often says while drawing a timeline on a board, we need to “live for the line [eternity], rather than the dot [the temporary circumstances we are facing].” We need to orient our lives around the central task of making disciples because our hearts are set on eternity—when we will gather with our brothers and sisters around the throne of grace and worship God.
Oftentimes, the obstacle I feel in discipling a younger woman is simply believing I am already too busy and carrying too many burdens to possibly entertain adding one more thing to my schedule. However, the truth is that discipling a younger woman is a kind invitation from God that will (1) expand my heart; (2) fuel my walk with Him; and (3) help me more effectively mother, serve in my local church, love my husband, cart children to and from extracurricular activities, run errands, do my work, and more—otherwise known as fulfilling my other responsibilities.
Discipling others expands your heart.
I am a mother to four children. When I first found out about having my second child, I was genuinely nervous about my ability to love both children well. Would my oldest feel slighted because I had to focus on the baby? Would my love be divided between two children?
However, I learned that love doesn’t divide into two pieces when you have two children. Love multiplies. Love doubled, then tripled, then quadrupled for me as I welcomed each child into my life. As we consider discipling younger women, we think that our hearts are at capacity and we cannot possibly handle one more person in our lives.
However, love doesn’t divide. It multiplies.
Each person we know and love increases our hearts—they don’t take away from our love for others. Like the Grinch whose heart grew three sizes in one day, each person that the Lord gives us to love, increases the size of our heart and our capacity for love. What a kind invitation from God!
Discipling others fuels your walk with Him.
I don’t really know how the Lord does it, but I know it to be true. When we step out in faith to point others to Jesus, it turns the gears of our hearts towards our own growth in Christ. We feel more needy, so we run to Him. We prepare to teach truths that we desperately need ourselves. We speak exhortations that the Spirit uses to challenge our own hearts. We feel burdened over our inabilities and our concerns for our sister in Christ, so we pray fervently. We worship joyfully when we see the Holy Spirit at work. I don’t know how it works, but making disciples is a fuel to our own walk with the Lord.
Discipling others helps me be more effective in all other areas of life.
The roles we have and the responsibilities we carry aren’t divided into silos separated from one another. Instead, because I disciple this woman from my church, I am more effective in all other areas of my life. I jokingly reminisce that it was through investing in a younger woman that I learned that side parts in your hairstyle are out, and middle parts are in. However, more than keeping up with the trends and speaking the next generation’s language (which is important), discipling others has strengthened me in my motherhood to four young children.
When I confess my sin of anger during my discipleship meeting with my friend, I am specifically killing the sin I often commit towards my children. I am also modeling to my children that followers of Jesus make disciples. As I learn to teach this to the younger woman at my church, I am better equipped to teach my children the Scriptures around the kitchen island. While I am applying this specifically to my own daily context of motherhood, this principle can be applied broadly to whatever your own daily life looks like.
We often think that we don’t have the space to disciple someone else, but I propose that maybe we cannot afford to skip discipling others because of the other responsibilities we carry.
Sisters, I pray that as you consider your calling to disciple another woman, that you would be encouraged to start simply, and simply start. There is so much joy on this journey of following Jesus, and He is inviting you to join His work in pointing people back to Him.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Emily Guyer is a wife, mother, and servant of the Lord Jesus Christ. She is married to Michael, lead pastor of Treasuring Christ Church in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and together they have four children – Amelia, John, Caroline and Graham. She serves as the Director of Kids Ministry at Treasuring Christ Church and also as Graphic Designer for Journeywomen. She is passionate about others knowing, loving and following Jesus. She loves to travel (she has a soft spot for North Carolina beaches, Disney World, and unique cities), have meaningful conversations, drink Ethiopian coffee, and create beauty through designing, writing and teaching. She is happiest when she is with her family and dear friends.