Weak knees and weak arms

WINDSOR, ONTARIO – There I was, sitting in the car with my wife in the grocery store parking lot, terrified out of my mind. We were discussing having children, and if I’m honest, nothing terrified me more than the prospect of having a tiny little human to care for! I knew I had to renew my mind in what the Bible says about children, and so that’s what I did. I identified the lies I had believed about family, and began to choose to believe what God says about family.

After some time, and a very challenging rebuke from a local pastor, we decided it was time. I figured, “we’ll start small, one baby, see how that goes and then discuss having more when the time comes.” Fast forward a few months and we’re off to the clinic for our first ultrasound. Throughout the pregnancy I would joke (but not really, I believe God gave me prophetic insight) that we were having twins, and the ride to the clinic was no different.

Well, as the story goes, I walked into the room where my wife is laid back with jelly on the belly, and to our disbelief, it appeared as if there were 2 tiny humans for us to contend with. You know when people say, “my knees got weak” upon hearing some life changing news? I thought that was a myth. It’s not, my knees got weak, and if it weren’t for the wall to lean on, I may have taken a spill.

The plan was to have one kid, then reassess the prospect of any further down the road, you know, when I was comfortable. As is often the case with God, He doesn’t much care about our plans. Instead, He gave us two energetic, crazy, smart and wacky boys named Jack and Henry.

I was unsure what my reaction would be when they were born, but the day of their birth I was surprisingly calm and excited. Jack was born first, and they immediately handed him to me. “This isn’t so bad.” I thought, then they handed me Henry and I thought, “Oh my, what now?” I had no more hands, I couldn’t even scratch my nose! My wife and I were both tearful with joy. They were finally here, and they were healthy. What more could you ask for? Well, maybe for a nurse to scratch your itching nose.

Then they brought me to a separate room with both of them while they finished up with my wife in the OR. As I sat there in that quiet room all alone, with my boys on each arm, I was overwhelmed with my inadequacies. What do I do? How do I do it? So I went to my Father in prayer, and together with my boys I prayed, “Lord, help me raise these boys for you. Bless them and bless us as we raise them.” I’ve never felt closer to the Father, then when I desperately pleaded with Him for Fatherly advice. From one unqualified father, to the perfect Father.

In that moment I realized, we’re all just broken children. And in that is the greatest hope for Father’s like me who don’t know what they’re doing. Because my Jesus makes me a child of God, and He promises to never leave me or forsake me. As I held my babies in my weak arms, with tears rolling down my cheek falling onto their swaddling clothes, God held me in His strong arms, strengthening me for the eternally significant task of being a Dad.



Alin Patularu is from Windsor Ontario Canada and planted Life-Giver Church in 2016 with the Send Network. He’s been married for 8 years to Shelly and is the father of twin boys, Jack and Henry.



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